We All, Hapless
by Aseru
Summary: AU; "Maybe it was in middle school, when they first noticed something was wrong... But it became glaring in high school as they both agreed they weren't exactly with the norm. Itachi didn't really find much of anyone appealing, and Hana would flat out admit she 'had a thing for tits'." Part Three Of the 'We All' Series.
1. Shes

_**I'm not back, persay. But I had them, and I had a moment, so I thought I'd give them some ears.**_

**We All, Hapless.  
****1/3**

**...o0o...**

It was the sound of workmen's thudding to the floor that woke him, though he didn't move. Listening to the tired grunts and groans as he could hear a belt being taken off, a shirt falling to the floor, and then the closet being ransacked. All sounds that made him quirk a small smile, because as the soft sheen of the light ticked off again- though that was never what woke him- he could feel the covers move behind him, the bed shift, a small burst of cold air (that made him shiver only a touch as goosebumps rose of his arms) let the taller man take his usual spot on the other side of the bed.

And with a few more groans, all just a bit more tired than the former, there was an arm quickly around him, and a heat on his back. Itachi let himself smile a bit. "What time is it," he asked, voice sounding drowsy regardless that he knew he was mostly awake. Chapped lips laid a small kiss on his clothed shoulder before he could feel the other rise slightly to look over him at the clock across the room.

"Just after three," the other man replies, as his body quickly returns to its almost engrained spot behind him.

"Not too late then," he found himself saying, referring to their earlier conversation. The vibrations of the other body chuckling made him curl into him a bit more.

"Still pretty late," he chuckled out, his voice amused. But his arm somehow seemed to tighten even more and Itachi couldn't not smile. Then another kiss was laid behind his ear. "Go back to sleep, boy." He let out a chuckle to their terrible pet names and felt himself nodding, mind already complying.

"Missed you, Kisame."

**o0o**

The next morning, he woke as usual; alone. Rolling over and stretching Itachi didn't bother to feel the bed, because regardless that the other man had gotten home and to sleep around three, he would have been up at seven- computer running in the living room, and phone to his ear listening to messages.

But by nine, which was when the elder Uchiha would usually get up, Kisame would have already had that done and be halfway through making breakfast- which by the time Itachi had gotten his coffee fix in him would be done. But, that was nothing new- a completely normal Friday morning for both of them. Then they'd physically do nothing all day- Kisame would take up the bed with paperwork for the restaurant, while Itachi would do his school work at the desk a few feet away. They'd talk some, have lunch and generally just co-exist most of the day.

It was something they were just used to. It was how the functioned best.

They'd watch a movie at night, or just something on TV, while eating whatever take-out they'd decided on. Then they'd go to bed, which sometime would include sex, others not- just depended on their needs. And Itachi would get his best night of sleep for the week either way.

Saturday would be the day that they'd do something. Go to Muro, a movie, or maybe out to dinner- never anything fancy, just usually something. And Saturday night, sometimes even as early as the evenings were always spent in bed. Talking, dozing, sometimes, again, sex- but it never mattered what they did most of the time. Because on the weekends they were able to just be alone, together.

Sundays were usually the bad days, the days that waking up was hard, where moving took coached effort because Kisame would have to be gone by four, in the car, back to the main house.

And Sundays, Itachi always found himself wondering how it was that Koga Mitzu managed to find the most talented and driven boys, who four out of seven were gay. Which when only one out of the younger five was completely straight- Koga had the slightest chance of getting a blood heir, and even then he'd have to share it with one of his best friends. His rant would end when Kisame was out the door, ending with a small prayer to the long dead soul of Koga Mitzu that Karin Iwa never had a child anyway.

Then the weekend would be over, and Itachi would attend his eight classes and three music rehearsals over the four days. He'd spend his evenings with their friends, and on the off chance they'd be able to meet up somewhere in between, which would only make it more of a rush for the weekend. His days would be spent socially between keeping Hana happy, while dealing with one problem or another that one of the Iwa siblings would throw at him- even if only for distractions sake.

But for some reason, that Tuesday felt different, as he made his way across campus from the English building to the Arts Hall.

SAMI's School of Arts was one of the best in the country- it was well known and employed the best staff that could teach anything the best. Within SAMI's were three parts- visual, musical and performance based studies, along with any basic college courses. Most people would have looked at Itachi two years ago and laughed at the thought that he would go into SAMI's Arts to take Performance. _Dancing_, if he was being blunt- Like on a stage, in front lots of people. Less would believe he was damn good at it.

He blamed Hana for it. But he'd always been good at carrying a rhythm in his feet. And in SAMI's he was fine with being second best- though he could pull an eight page paper out of his ass ten times better than Sasori Akasuna ever could hope to- it was probably the only reason they were able to remain anything near friends.

But he made his way into the large building and then toward the amphitheater, Itachi made his steps not falter upon seeing two of his fellow students looking at him from the edge of the stage like he'd hit their dog.

Deidara Iwa was the son of Saito Iwa- the 'I' in SAMI School of Arts, and as long as Itachi had known the elder Iwa sibling he'd been trying to understand why people didn't just _know_ when some people were gay. Regardless that he was in league for number three at SAMI's in the dance program, looking at the blond hair that Itachi had never seen be above his shoulder, and the subtle make-up he tried to lie about wearing some days- Dei was just _'shut the hell up_' gay.

And then there was Sasori. The number one at SAMI's, but somehow no one had ever (that Itachi had _ever_ heard of) made a stab at Sasori's sexuality. He hadn't even wondered until he'd run into the red-head at Muro one night about two years ago, only to find his tongue halfway the throat a rather slim male. It was a two-second shock. Maybe because he was Sasori Akasuna- the only child of SAMI's 'A'. But when both of them were starring you down, Itachi noted right then, it wasn't hard to believe they'd been together for a little over a year now.

"What's wrong," he decided to call, before they had a chance to implement their own plan.

"You know how Kuro and Gaara are living with the Nara's now," Deidara decided to ask as he finally reached normal speaking distance, and Itachi nodded- he'd been kept in the loop when Sasori and his cousin, Temari Sabaku (The 'S' in SAMI's) had suddenly missed a week and a half of rehearsals. Chancing a glance at the red-head, Itachi found the oddly stone look on his face to resemble a low limit time-bomb.

"Yes. What about it?"

"Did ya know they're going to school with your little brother." Itachi held back a small startled reaction at that.

"No," he ventured tentatively.

"And that means, by association, Hana's little brother?"

"No," he tried again.

"And, so you didn't-"

"_Jesus Christ_, Brat," Sasori finally blew up, eyes rolling at his partner, "_Take a year_." Deidara merely let out a huff as Sasori drew their conclusion much faster. "The point is, Kuro's fucking around with Hana's little brother. And apparently they're _a lot alike_."

"Oooh."

And-

"You're shitting me," was Hana's immediate reaction when Itachi decided to relay this message, the following evening when they met for an emergency dinner. Itachi had no reassurance to suggest he was, and then he watched as his oldest friend accepted that by picking up her glass of red wine and chugging it. "This is.." she began after clinking the glass back onto the table, "This isn't good." And Itachi couldn't disagree.

**...o0o...**


	2. Just

**We All, Hapless.  
****2/3**

**...o0o...**

Maybe it was in middle school, when they first noticed something was wrong. When they were little, before his parents had died, Itachi and his family had lived next to the Inuzuka's. In Itachi's mind, they'd always been friends- at some variable of the word. Hana had grown up with a him and Itachi had grown up with her, and when that young, he knew now, understanding the difference between _her_ and _him_ was kind of irrelevant.

Until middle school anyway. Because then people had started to assume they were _going out_. It was an odd conversation around then when they'd agreed to _just go with it_. Neither of them felt the need to correct everyone.

Because then Itachi's parents died in a freak accident, and the Uchiha boys had been shipped to the opposite side of town (thought they knew it could have been worse) and Itachi was left to find a way for both to get to their old school, or risk friend-making again, leaving them to commute.

But living with their uncle's once best friend and his partner was a far cry from the over baring of their now deceased father. But Itachi still didn't find the need to tell anyone.

But it became glaring in high school as they both agreed they weren't exactly with the norm. Itachi didn't really find much of anyone appealing, and Hana would flat out admit she '_had a thing for tits_'. And they just kept pretending, because to both of them, school had always come first.

And then, suddenly on a random night in June, Hana had showed up on their porch and Kakashi had called him down stairs to console her. "I tried to tell her," Hana began, tears still streaming down her face and her hands clenched tightly to her elbows. Itachi didn't really need to hear the rest. And from there, it had turned into a near agreement- it was a secret they'd share.

And then, Hana had graduated early like she'd planned, and they'd gone to college- Itachi straight to SAMI's, Hana to the smaller college that she could afford on her own and taken courses to be a veterinary. They'd gotten an apartment on the edge of town and they'd been happy for a while. And then Hana had come see a rehearsal once, and at the point that she'd begun to correct his practicing, the old teacher had asked why she wasn't dancing too. The next quarter, on a full scholarship Hana had begun to dance. But she never tried to tell Tsume.

And then she met- who Itachi would always call- her other half. Because when he'd met Anko Mitarashi, his first thought was 'not another Hana'. Hana had seen it too, apparently and Anko was a quick fixture at their apartment.

They became a clique that year, the dance core. The younger of the top of SAMI's dance program. And Anko had brought Temari Sabaku and Karin Iwa to them, who brought Deidara Iwa, and when they finally stopped "dancing around shrubbery" as Karin called it, Sasori Akasuna. And then at the beginning on the spring quarter, Haku Yuki suddenly booted one of the elder member of the top six, and Karin introduced him as "her boyfriend's brother's boyfriend." Haku's reply was a vague 'he'd kill you for saying that.' Karin just laughed.

But that summer there was a dance camp, as they called it. The tops of the spring quarter were put in charge of the workshops for prospective student.

It was on a Tuesday workshop when Karin's boyfriend showed up bringing lunches as the Mitzu boys (who as a family made the "M" in SAMI's) were supposed to. But he happened to drag four of his brothers with him. Mangetsu, the elder Hozuki boy, stayed in the back watching some of the workshops. But Itachi took note of how Haku was instantly stolen by the middle brother, Zabuza. But Suigetsu and Karin, along with the remaining brother did the job they came to do, meaning feeding everyone.

It was at the point where Hana and Anko finally demanded he eat and that they all three sat at the table with Karin, Suigetsu and the other brother- Kisame- and Itachi noticed that the taller man's eyes would roll at the exact same times as his whenever Karin decided to made a goo-goo face or Suigetsu decided to coo. And if he had to guess Hana and Anko saw it too.

By the time they had both been drug to Muro at the same time, and then ditched in the same area the third time, Kisame agreed that they were probably being set up. Neither really fought it, finding the other nearly completely agreeable, and they'd started dating about a week later.

From there it'd all just progressed.

Hana had moved in with Anko before fall quarter. Itachi had moved into a different apartment after she had move out, still a two bedroom to keep up their illusion, but that was situated between campus, Muro and the main Mitzu house. The weekend routine began at the start of winter quarter.

But apparently by the end of spring, the ongoing fight that he'd been having with Kisame would end. Because given the information that Deidara and Sasori had asked him to correct this week- he'd be speaking to Sasuke over the weekend while Kisame was away, so that Hana could manage to deal with Kiba and their mother next weekend.

Because the Sabaku boys were a close part of the SAMI's family, and he knew with all reasonable points that they'd both be in the school next year. Kankuro was a near promised piece to take over the spot Sasori would leave as he graduated after the summer, and Gaara could take his musical talent to the opposite side of SAMI's theater, or to the stage if he chose, the year following. He'd met them a few times around Muro, with the core or Kisame, or even when out with Dei and Sasori- Temari's Shikamaru, too. And knowing Temari's boiling point, he could understand how her just younger brother had ended up with Hana's little brat brother- they were a lot alike.

It all just made him sigh, and he slid into bed again.

**...o0o...**


	3. Hapless

**We All, Hapless.  
****3/3**

**...o0o...**

"The shrimp is good," I found myself saying, looking over the menu like I didn't read it nearly weekly. From across the table, I was still being pinned with a hard look.

"_Hn_."

"Or the chicken, even."

Suddenly the back of the menu that I'd felt like I was actually talking to was thudded to the table. "This is weird you know."

"Absolutely," I didn't even bother to look up. "I don't recommend the pork, it's not very good here."

"What are we _doing_, Itachi?"

"We're getting lunch, then you're coming back to the apartment, where you're staying over; that's the plan, anyway."

"No, I mean," Sauske was suddenly leaning against the table and I felt the need to look up and actually pay attention to the conversation for now. "I haven't heard from you in months, aside from the stuff Kakashi relays- so you calling me out of the blue-"

"I know, it was 'kind of weird'." And then I was pinning him with a very open, obviously affect look. "But I don't think we should talk about that here." And for once, my idiot little brother, actually decided to listen to me and shut his mouth for another few minutes. Then the waitress popped up at the end of our table and all he said even then was limited to what he was ordering.

"How's Kakashi?" I decided to ask as the waitress disappeared back into the back. Sauske immediately shrugged.

"Still annoying as ever," he replied easily, "I swear, if it wasn't for Iruka I would have killed him years ago." I let out a small chuckle.

"I can imagine," was all I had to offer, but in a rare show, Sauske continued.

"Yeah, I bet you _can_, since you never come by anymore." I could have swore he sulked.

"Well, hopefully that will be more of an option soon." And he was looking at me quizzically again.

"How's Hana," he decided to ask then. And I didn't stop the small chuckle that decided to burst from my throat.

"Dealing with her own mess of problems soon," I decided to say. This was the part where things could get messy.

"Like?"

"Her mother."

Sauske had no response to that for a moment, his eyes still just pinning me with a look that said he was reading into the conversation like I knew he would. "Tsume?"

"Yes."

"How's she a problem?"

For me, most of the time speaking of Tsume was like wadding through a mine field. There were some questions about her that would make me flinch, others that would make me blow up.

"She's always been a problem." And it was true, nearly half of the problems I'd partaken in over my life, could be related back to Tsume. The first small number of spats Kisame and I had had, were because of me living with Hana, which was because we still pretended to be together at times, because of Tsume. Anko once punched me in the face because she misunderstood a bruise on Hana's hip where she'd run into the counter for a hickey... and by some leap of her imagination, I had put it there- because we lived together, because of Tsume. It was always little things like that.

But I'd always told Hana I'd take those problems, if they left her happy at the end of the day. I just didn't know how to explain that to Sauske right then- not that I hadn't been wondering how for days.

**o0o**

After the diner I took him back to my apartment. And without much interlude, as he wondered around the living room, I began to talk.

"I'm not dating Hana, nor have I ever been." At that proclamation Sasuke was fully turned around and giving me an odd look. "In high school, we were friends- she was one of few people I could actually stand."

"You always _were_ a loner," he added in quickly. I only nodded before continuing.

"Our classmates assumed, and we did nothing to dissuade them. Hana has always preferred women." At that Sauske quickly moved himself over to the arm chair and sunk down. "Tsume never knew, because the one time Hana had tried to tell her, Tsume refused, _adamantly_, to listen." Sauske gave a small nod, as if he knew this. I wondered, but continued. "Hana and I continued the pretenses of dating until college, when we did live together, but she had a short-term girlfriend from the community college. She started at SAMI," Sauske suddenly looked confused, "without telling Tsume, last winter. She's in the core, with me." He was nodding slowly. "She's dating one of the other female members. They live together, a few blocks from here."

Still looking confused, Sauske slowly formed a question, "Then why do you still live in a two bedroom?"

"She stays over sometimes, or any other random member of the core. The second bedroom is handy." He gave a small nod, still looking like he was trying to catch up.

I gave him a few moments, before continuing. "Her partner's name in Anko," Sauske was listening again, "The two of them aren't exactly discreet. They set me up with someone a few times, but none of them actually panned out. Until, recently." He was now looking at me like I had a second head.

"Is the part where you tell me you're gay, and we mutually decided living with Kakashi warped us?" I had to chuckle.

"Though I doubt it has much to do with Kakashi," he gave a small indignant sound, "Yes." He merely nodded.

"I figured that's where this story was going."

"But the actual problem wasn't you." He looked confused again. "A different friend of ours from the core's little brother is dating Kiba."

"Kankuro?" He was asking immediately. I gave a small pause.

"Yes," I feel like it was phrased accidentally like a question.

"You and Hana were always close, right?" I think I got where he was going. "Kiba told me about a year ago- or more like he decided he'd confided in me when Naruto and I got together."

"I was wondering."

"He's an idiot."

"I wish I agreed." Sauske was then listening again. "Tsume's tough. On their own, I doubt either Hana or Kiba would have had the nerve to tell her." Sauske gave a small nod.

"But they're both-"

"And that's why I figured I should have a big/little brother chat with you, so that when you heard Hana was out, you wouldn't have to draw your own conclusions." Sasuke gave a small nod.

"Makes sense, I guess."

**...o0o...**

_**That's it for now.**_  
_**Life's just to much sometimes.**_

_**Laters,  
-Aseru**_


End file.
